Gypsy-Rose Blanchard isn’t sure how her daughter is going to react to her past.

On this week’s episode of Gypsy Rose: Life After Lockup, the 33-year-old welcomed her baby daughter Aurora and shared how difficult the first few days with a baby were for her and boyfriend Ken Urker.

As she begins to think about how she’ll explain her past to her daughter, Blanchard, a Munchausen by proxy victim who was convicted of second-degree murder for her part in the brutal 2015 killing of her mother, DeeDee, gets emotional.

“I know the things that I’m responsible for, such as feeding her and changing her. But also like, while you guys were on lunch, I had another breakdown,” Blanchard says, immediately getting teary.

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“I’m sorry, I just, I’m putting all of this effort in. And I have been hit with the question, ‘How are you going to tell your daughter about what you did?’ ” she continues, sobbing. “And I just want to know that she’s going to love me and forgive me for what I did in my past. I just don’t want that to cloud her mind and her end up hating me.”

After taking a minute to breathe, Blanchard continues by saying that she hopes her daughter will be able to forgive her for her crimes.

“And I’m not a monster. And I don’t want her to grow up thinking that I’m one,” says Blanchard. “You hear about families that have deep dark secrets and they have skeletons in their closet and their kids disown them and hate them, growing up resenting them. And I just don’t want that to be the case for us.”

Elsewhere in the episode, Blanchard shares that becoming a mother to her daughter made her realize just how awful her own mother was to her.

“I feel like I’m getting my own ideas about what a mother is by the emotions that I feel for my daughter. I mean, I didn’t realize how much it was going to affect me until I had her and I was holding her,” she says. “And then I started to realize, wow, I really truly understand now how wrong it is, how wronged I was for my mom to do this.”

“I can’t stand it whenever I’m making Aurora a bottle and she’s crying for like a minute and a half. I can’t stand it. I’m like, I want to comfort her, I want to make it all better,” continues Blanchard. “And so knowing that my mom was in the room with me when I was screaming in pain after a surgery or a procedure or a test. And I’m like, how? How?” 

“I would say a mother is a protector. It’s being the person that you need to be in order for you to raise what is essentially a fresh start,” she says. “This little tiny person is a fresh start for you to instill morals, values, beliefs, hopes, dreams.”

“And you have to make sure that you are right in your own mind in order to be that person that your child is going to look up to and be like, ‘Oh, mommy did this right. Mommy did that.’ But then, I think when the world gets so loud and overwhelming, that the only voice that I hear is my own saying that I can’t do it. That’s when I’m the loneliest.”

Gypsy Rose: Life After Lock Up airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on Lifetime.