Having a healthy relationship with an ex takes hard work, especially when kids are involved. Just ask actress Lake Bell. She and her ex-husband, Scott Campbell, went through co-parenting therapy for two years after they got divorced. “Even when we didn’t want to go and it was annoying or difficult, we still went,” she tells me. “We did it for the good of our children and for us, too. We’re in each other’s lives no matter what, so we can resent each other for all the things or do something about it.”

The former couple has certainly been through a lot together. Their son, Ozzi, 7, almost died at birth after being born at home with his umbilical cord around his neck. And their daughter, Nova, 11, was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2020, the same year they separated. “We went through the trenches together,” Lake says, “and so we have respect for each other, sort of like army buddies.”

You and Scott have a strong bond. As a single mom, how do you know when to introduce your kids to someone you’re dating?

Scott and I had parameters around it, and now we trust each other to decide when the time is right. But I generally don’t rush into it. If I’m still hanging out with someone five or six months in and they’ve shown that they care about meeting them, then OK. It can also happen sooner if they have their own children. Because if the kids despise each other, it can’t go any further. You can’t glue these kids together.

Let’s talk about your new children’s book. All About Brains is a sweet story about neurodiversity. Tell me about it.

The inspiration came from my daughter Nova, who has epilepsy. It’s a genetic mutation, so it’s part of the tapestry of who she is. But at first, the seizures were a source of great anxiety for our whole family. It was scary. But as we went through it, we realized—and this sounds cliché—that it’s a superpower. Hearing her describe it to her peers from her experience and them asking questions that were honest and direct made me feel like this was worthy of a platform. 

Kids are so insightful. What has Nova taught you?

When you become a parent you think, I’m going to do it differently. My parents messed up in X, Y, and Z ways but I’m going to crack the code. But then your kids come along and they’re going to press on all the wounds you’ve ever had, then they’re gonna pour salt in them, and squish them even more so that you’re forced to confront your demons, whether it’s the way you lose your temper or get frustrated. Nova, with all of her sensitivity and magic and sparkle and uniqueness, is that teacher for me. She is the one who pushes me to expand.

My own children are so different. How do you relate to your son?

Ozzi is my healer. There is something innately spiritual and flowing about how he takes on life. Probably because he died before he lived having been hypoxic at birth for five minutes. So, he doesn’t really sweat the small stuff. He might have a tantrum about wanting another cookie, but he gets over it quickly. He and I have interesting philosophical and existential conversations. 

What’s one lesson you want to impart on your kids?

I kind of loathe this idea of perfection. I think that it is unfair for any parent. Perfection is just not even something to be sought after. I really model that for my kids. Having some grace with being imperfect. Show your humanity to your children, even when you’re having trouble with something. Let them see you screw up, cry, laugh really hard. Just include them in your human experience. 

A Final Thought

What a beautiful concept, Lake. We live in a world full of filters that only show the highlights of our lives. So, I’m all for showing our kids the full breath of who we are—warts and all—as a way to inspire them to be their authentic selves. Anything else sounds exhausting! 

Until next time,

Grace

grace.bastidas@parents.com